8. The last 12 months: Part 1

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the world’s most proactive blogger. But good things come to those who wait, and you – my humble, handsome readers – have waited long enough. Over the last 12 months, I’ve received literally zero requests for a blog update, so I know demand is high. In the immortal, poignant words of 90s Mexican-American rapper Baby Bash (ft. Akon): baby, I’m back.

My last post was on the 25th April 2014, which means we’ve got just over a year to cover.

Deep breath. Here we go.

1. I visited Bounce for the first (second and third) time

It’s a converted warehouse full of trampolines. My highlight was seeing a grown man on the dodgeball court going all-out Tarantino on a group of six-year-olds. It was similar to the final scene of Django, but there was more crying and slightly less maiming. Only slightly less, mind.

bounceblog2 bounceblog5


2. I went to a beautiful wedding in France (and booked the wrong flights)

I booked return flights for the wrong month. It cost me £300 to fix. And that wasn’t even my most expensive travel mistake of the year – which I’ll get onto in my next post.

At least we can laugh about it now, eh? Not really. However, it did mean that my partner and I got an extra day in Brittany’s Saint-Malo, which is a beautiful coastal town in the north east of France. Well worth the £300 and hour-long walk to the new hotel. Yes, I also misjudged the walk. Thanks, Google maps. Luckily, Harriet was there remind me every step of the way.

And take selfies, of course.

St Malo 2


Lots of selfies.

Still, can’t argue with the view.

St Malo 1

3. I lived the life of Leonardo DiCaprio (for four days, minus the supermodels)

I honestly believe travel isn’t all about luxury. It’s about meeting people, enriching your outlook and immersing yourself in a foreign culture, entirely without judgement or prejudice.

But once you’ve stayed on a 100-foot luxury superyacht, there’s no going back. For four days, I threw my (somewhat clichéd) principals to the wind and became Leonardo DiCaprio (albeit without the half-naked women, which is arguably the best bit). And I don’t mean eco-warrior Leo; I mean the alter-ego that’s as happy guzzling yacht fuel as he is champagne.

maldives 5 maldives 4

4. I drove a jet ski for the first time (and almost single-handedly destroyed a protected coral reef)

The same trip also afforded me the opportunity to drive a jet ski for the first time. I would say the results were mixed.

Eager to get going, I received a somewhat rushed brief from the yacht’s captain, from which the only take home was do not drive over that coral reef, it’s protected. With a scoff that implied “yeah, whatever Grandad”, I quickly (and somewhat accidentally) carved a path straight over it – because #yolo – and crunched the shallow, fragile coral reef below, damaging the bottom of the jet ski. With a quick look over my shoulder, I sped to the horizon; never to be seen again.

And then promptly returned to the yacht and got told off like the child I am.

maldives 1

maldives 3

5. I stayed in the largest Royal Suite in Dubai

Everything you see in the mostly out-of-focus timelapse video below is a single hotel accommodation at Dubai’s H Hotel; there’s also an upper floor with three bedrooms that I didn’t record because I’m not Kim Kardashian and some things are still sacred.

Private cinema

Private cinema

Private spa

Private spa

Private chocolates

Private chocolates

It’s all very private.

Anyway, I was going to try and cover most of the last 12 months in one blog post (because I’m lazy), but a year is actually quite long. Keep your eyes peeled for part 2, when I’ll tell you all about Christmas in the desert, crushing my testicles on a fairground ride in Hong Kong and sex shows in Thailand.



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